Lord lovelace bridge
Lord lovelace bridge (Photo credit: wimbledonian)

On earth there is not his like, a creature without fear. He sees everything that is high; he is king over all the sons of pride”. I speak of audacity and supposition and I equate those two words to Lucifer and to those who speak without knowledge or evidence and now I am inclined to think it also defines me when I walk under the shadow of darkness and not Light. It is the influence under which this world currently operates and the pseudonym of which I am known until the day of a “New Name”, which shall be bestowed upon me when Truth comes and that name will be known by me alone. So this “Work” in process continues in this mans struggle not yet being able to “let go and let God” finding challenges still coming his way without prior notice to test him and stretch him sometimes beyond the bounds of his capacity and he squirms and he fears and he hopes. This man has doubted, saying to himself that this whole thing is a fraud that everything on which my beliefs are based is the historic account of things past with no recent events or great writings inspired by God seemingly available. It is during these times of remorse that quotes of scripture so often relied upon in the past seem inadequate and I turn in disgust. Pious people also seem to relish beating me over the head with scripture or better said “the word” when I made the mistake of sharing my questions or doubts. To these people I would immediately rebuff like a snake would strike with his venom going forth for the kill. If this is what Christianity is I want no part in it. People who make no claims to Christianity seem to be doing better than I and I would observe these people seemingly happier than me, better off than I and I think wouldn’t it seem that God’s people should be the greater not the lesser in the scheme of things? When a man is stripped of his job, family, wealth, health and friends he finds himself alone, alone with all the accusations within of failure, rejection and loss of his perceived self-worth. How can you possibly be serving the Lord when it seems as though he has instead rejected you and left you alone? I wallow in the mire sometimes administering suave to my wounds and hoping I can somehow fix this mess I’ve gotten myself into and sing “that joy comes in the morning”. But though the sun does shine in all its radiance the day seems quite cloudy to me and I sometimes get the feeling that I have been imprisoned and have posited the question as to whether or not this earth is a prison? Am I one of the fallen angels? Have I so rebelled against God that I have received the death penalty? But in spite of all this I get moments of joy that enters my soul and I breathe deeply but the carrier of hope flies away all too soon and I go on. How long O Lord must I be broken into pieces before you come? How long this door to freedom shall be locked? My strength does fail me and my hours and days are numbered and I faint in weakness. Stand up, be a man and walk on even though you thirst and pant at the effort. This head strong and powerful man has been brought low. Where is your strength now O Man, what answers can you provide to all this? And I fail the test and Rob like Job realizes he has none but repentance to his questions and assertions in that he has not anything to offer his Lord. I replace the yoke around my bowed neck, as he promised his yoke is not heavy, it is my carnal life that is heavy and it is the life I can no longer carry apart from Him. And I repeat again the words of the Lord Jesus “not my will but your will be done

 

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