Years have gone by now, I find myself in my late 60’s, and I’m still wondering where I may have gone wrong, or if I disobeyed the Lord to such a degree that I may have committed the so-called unpardonable sin. All I know is that I have come to want nothing more to do with this world or its religion. What I have come to, is simply, here I am Lord. Do with me what you will or can? This means I will no longer have personal input as to my understanding related to this matter of a Christian life, except to say, I am not interested in moving anywhere, without His leadership. I used to be expert in coming up with plans of action and they worked every time. In the past several years every plan I lay down on my own seem to fold up and I wonder, what happened? At times I would reflect upon those people who would say, God told me to do this or God told me to do that and I’m thinking, huh? God doesn’t seem to be telling me to do anything; these people must really be spiritual. And then there were those times when it seemed as though God was on vacation, sometimes a very long vacation, because I wouldn’t hear or sense him for long periods of time, and I am thinking this time I must have really messed up and he has given up on me and moved on. Now what do I do? Maybe I should just go back to where I was before this whole thing started. Then the next day would arrive and there I am once again using my natural mind figuring out what went wrong and I would go about taking inventory, retracing steps, or trying to remember my words to determine what it was I did wrong this time. There would be times where I thought, you know, this Christianity thing is not real, I quit! Another day arrives and in an almost sneaky sort of way, I find myself reflecting once more on what the Lord is doing, and I continue reading scripture and researching various spiritual writers all the while thinking, certainly the sages must know the intricacies of spiritual matters and of Christ. Surely they can provide me insight into the vast chasm of available spiritual information. Unfortunately, I find that if you read too many sages, you find out that sages disagree with sages. My prevailing question remained that if this walk with Jesus was so simple then why is it so hard? Off and on I would return to visit various churches again, and sure enough, I find the same old disagreements – members at odds, knowing more than the Pastor and I leave empty and disgusted. The churches and their leadership seem more interested in building their ministry and they obviously placate those that might get angry and withhold their tithes and offerings. Actually, I have determined there is not a lick of difference between them and the private sector profiting wherever they can. Have you tried bible studies? I find those a good place to watch the flesh to rear its ugly head as one person’s interpretation of the bible is better than someone who might under duress, have been bold enough to put forth an opinion. Just how does the Lord expect this conglomeration of humanity to ever learn of his ways, walk in his ways, and you can forget about, “in one accord”. Incidentally, I used the term “humanity”, you won’t find God using that term, instead, he calls us mankind, kind after kind – kind of thing you know? Wait, that’s it … kind after kind maybe that is the reason it never changes, we are all the same kind (clones). Well, I quit again, this time from my religious pursuits and organized religion. I determined that if Christianity is this fouled up and distorted, then, there is very little reason to pursue things any further. So instead, I told the Lord I’ll just die. Do you realize how hard it is to die? I mean try not thinking about something for one second. I bet you can’t, I can’t. My flesh is too loud and noisy and “I can’t for the life of me die”. A paradox is a tenant contrary to received opinion; a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet perhaps true? Perhaps this is the basis of my problem I will not use my common sense, after all, what sense is there in being common? “The Sons of God are led by the spirit”. Hmm…..now I know, I am to be in the Spirit not in my mind. “The mind will never comprehend the things of God”. I will just start operating in the Spirit and forget what I think. Now maybe that defines death. For if I have no thought, then I must be dead or am I? “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith. Therefore take no thought, saying, what shall we eat? Or, what shall we drink? Or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek 🙂 for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things? But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof” John 6: 24-34.
Therefore, I should take no thought for the morrow, and I can’t think myself taller, or think myself clothed, and I can’t think myself fed, but I should realize that tomorrow will require thought for the things of itself. Even though I am not to think of the morrow, I need to realize somehow, that I will have to think tomorrow for the things of “it”. But the most paramount thought of all that I am not to take, is thought for my life. Excuse me? Now, perhaps I do know how to die because if I take no thought for my life I should be able to die from starvation if for no other reason. Am I still in the mind – thinking that I finally got this thing figured out? I think I will just call this “Smart Confusion”. “Claiming to be wise, they became fools [professing to be smart, they made simpletons of themselves”]. I underlined smart that means I am confused only and not so smart, perhaps a simpleton. “God is not the author of confusion”. Foiled again, so it is not confusion but I noticed the verse went on to say But of peace”. I surmise, (notice I didn’t say think) that my focus should be on peace. Didn’t Jesus say: Peace I leave with you: My peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give too you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid”. So now I have a “Peace of Heart” to sup on. I have heard that heart is best when cooked slowly, a process of slowly bringing it to perfection. Would that be the Refiner’s Fire? Ah, perfection, now that is, a worthy goal. The only perfect one to have walked this earth is Jesus and he said he left me peace but did not say perfection. So as cooking a perfect piece of meat is a slow process, Spiritual perfection then must be the process of slowly cooking me! “You, therefore, must be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect”. Apparently, perfection is possible, because Jesus says it is of necessity that we become so. So how do we go about this? To do this, I think there is a need for a change in the present methodology of religion and the pabulum being served versus the real food required for maturation in and of the body of Christ.